Old People Are Horny Too!

When you think of sex you rarely think of old people; when you think of old people you almost never think of sex... or that they’re having sex! Is it a mistake to presume those living out their last decades are devoid of sexual desire? What are some of the challenges older people experience regarding sex? How do those who are losing their rigor participate in an activity that is innately rigorous, in a comfortable and attainable way?

Indeed society’s oldest generation does crave sex (duh!)! This seems like an obvious statement, but society pretends this isn’t true or that the geriatric sex drive is some mythical creature. Well, newsflash to all of us- it’s not! Okay, so they crave sex...but do they actually DO IT? According to verywellhealth.com: “roughly 40 percent of men and women ages 65 to 80 are sexually active, according to a 2017 survey” (Stibich, 2020). I imagine the percentage of elderly folks who crave sex but don’t engage in it (with themselves or a partner) is much higher. So, why aren’t more old people having sex?

A myriad of health conditions that often present in old age can effect one’s comfort level during sex and ability to attain an orgasm. Moreover, these obstacles often prevent old people from having sex altogether. For instance, arthritis affects mobility and causes pain in a person's joints, making it difficult to obtain a sex position and to stay in that position. Additionally, heart disease and compromised circulation can make it hard for both men and women to become physically aroused. Older men can have trouble obtaining and maintaining an erection. Incontinence, or loss of bladder control, “is more common as people, especially women, grow older. Extra pressure on the belly during sex can cause loss of urine” (NIH, 2017).Furthermore, medications used to treat many geriatric-related conditions cause sexual dysfunction in and of themselves.

All this and we haven’t touched on the complicated realm of sex hormones and the direction they go (hint: downward) as a person takes hold in old age. Vaginal dryness, closing and shortening of the vaginal canal, a flaccid penis, inability to reach orgasm, shorter orgasm, and painful clitoral stimulation are all results of the changes that occur in the geriatric body. They stand as frustrating symptoms in the way of good sex and masturbation. Equally frustrating is the neglect of old people’s sexual wellness by the majority of healthcare workers.

There are many ways to address the sexual challenges that may come with aging. Doctors can provide medications as they see fit. Additionally, a plethora of sexual wellness products exist at Studio 21, ltd! I personally appreciate older individuals or couples coming in for help. It’s fulfilling to help in a crucial way. It takes courage to ask for help, especially in this area and at such an age (when the world has thoroughly created an air of asexuality around the elderly).

“The fountain of youth has yet to be found, and if you're focused on what was, you will be disappointed” (Stibich, 2020). To me this goes to say that in the way the body and mind change with time, sex should as well. It may help to focus and enliven the emotional aspects of intimacy rather than solely rely on the physicality of the act. Older adults generally have greater self-awareness and self-esteem that often lacks as a young adult. The physical may be in deterioration, but by going beyond physicality, your sex life won’t have to deteriorate too.

If you’re reading this and you’re in your later years: use your age to your advantage. You have life experience and, therefore, wisdom. Ideally, you’ve let go of some of those societal impositions and feel a sense of freedom and liberation in your own skin. Maybe now those clichés yapping on about how “you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover” and “true beauty lies within” have become a living reality for you. Redefine exactly what sex is and take that journey. “...sex and intimacy often need to be redefined to remain a fulfilling part of life” (Stibich, 2020). Redefine sex. Make it work for you, instead of the other way around.

It’s a shame that the sex lives of old people aren’t addressed enough (or even at all) in the medical field. At a geriatric doctor’s appointment it is a rarity for the topic of sex to come up. Sexual wellbeing is a crucial element of health. In these modern times we know that sex and orgasm have a plethora of health benefits. Old people should be encouraged to have sex safely; they should be informed on how to do it safely and comfortably and with maximum pleasure!

We shouldn’t leave our precious wisdom bearers in the dark. They raised our younger generations. Now it’s our turn to look after them. The least we can do is provide them with the proper awareness and education to continue a fulfilling sex life. 

Sources:

“How Sex Changes With Aging (& What You Can Do About It) - Better ...”, n.d. Accessed August 19, 2021. https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/how-sex-change...

Mayoclinic.org. “Senior Sex: Tips for Older Men - Mayo Clinic”, August 8, 2020. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexu...

“Sexuality in Later Life | National Institute on Aging”, November 30, 2017. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/sexuality-later-li...

Stibich, Mark. “Sex in Older Adults: Statistics, Problems, and Help”, April 23, 2020. https://www.verywellhealth.com/sex-and-older-amer...