Kiss Me Thru The Phone

Let’s talk dirty today! Or, is there really anything dirty about expressing our sexual desires for another person? Or is the fact that it’s “dirty”, raunchy, and slightly taboo that makes it all the more enjoyable? Regardless, Soulja Boy started the conversation on sexting with the 2008 hit “Kiss Me Thru the Phone”, but we would like to delve even deeper into this topic. Today we will explore the misconceptions around sexting, beginner tips for initiating phone sex, and sending provocative pictures.

A quick google search about sexting frequently describes it as elicit with a list of articles describing the negative impacts sexting can have on teenagers. Too often the conversation on sexting ignores that it can be enjoyable and beneficial to relationships between consenting adults. In the article “Reframing Sexting as a Positive Relationship Behavior”, Dr. Geller and Emily C. Stasko (MPH) report that people who sext experience higher satisfaction in their relationships compared to people who do not. This goes for people who are in committed and non committed relationships. One reason that people who sext may experience greater satisfaction is because they are clearly communicating their turn ons, desires, and fantasies. Communication is a crucial tool for having better sex, and sexting is a saucy way to be vulnerable.

While sexting can lead to better sex, it can also feel awkward and spike anxieties, particularly when trying it for the first time with a partner. Many of us share similar insecure thoughts: “Is what I want to say hot, or is it weird?”, “What if I’m judged for sharing this fantasy of mine?”, or “I don’t even know what to say!” If this is the case for you, it could be a great time for personal reflection on what turns you on. If you’re still becoming comfortable with communicating your sexual desires, dirty talk over the phone rather than in person, might be a more comfortable option for sharing your wants and needs. Furthermore, reminding yourself that there is no shame in what brings you pleasure (as long as it's between consenting adults). If there’s something that makes you feel good, don’t shy away from it, embrace it. Being able to communicate your turn ons, and ask about your partner’s, is a sure fire way to have better sex all around.

Alright, we’ve put in the emotional work to overcome our internalized shame, and we’re ready to share our kinks with their world! But wait, not so fast! Phone sex is no different than other forms of sex, so it’s important you make sure that your partner is interested in a NSFW conversation before proceeding. Getting consent is a great way to initiate phone sex with your partner, and can be done in a fun and sexy way! If you’re unsure of how to initiate, consider starting with one of these suggestions:

“Can I tell you how much I want you right now?”

“I’ve been thinking about you all day. Do you want to know what’s been on my mind?”

“I love the curve of your waist. Are you comfortable sending me a picture? ”

If you receive that enthusiastic interest, then you are in the clear to carry on! Just like any form of sex, you don’t need to rush it. Similar to foreplay, it can be good to work your way up to the most explicit thoughts running through your mind. Simply expressing to your partner what you like about their body, their voice, their scent, and quirks can make people feel more comfortable in engaging in phone sex. Adjectives will be your friend while sexting, using vivid descriptions will make a more engaging conversation. As your conversation proceeds, you can become more and more detailed about your attraction to the person, and sexual acts you want to experience with them. Reading erotica can be a great tool to build up your vocabulary and seeing how authors have phrased sexual acts can be a helpful guide as well. It is normal to fear that maybe you said the “wrong” thing, but if you roll with it, it can easily go unnoticed, or can be a fun memory to laugh back on later!

Sexting can be a lot more than all talk, certainly sending photos will spice up any phone sex session. However, it can be vulnerable to share a photo au natural, particularly if there’s concern about it being shared. It’s important to have a discussion of how the photos will be securely stored, or if they should be deleted quickly. As an important note, there is not an app that can ensure complete privacy. There are some apps that may blur faces or unique tattoos, but there are also apps that can remove the blurred effect. Furthermore, you will want to make sure the person you want to send a picture to is in the appropriate place to receive a naughty picture. For example, if they are in a meeting or at lunch sitting next to grandma, they may not want to be opening a picture of genitals right at that moment.

You don’t need to send the most XXX photo immediately, although there’s certainly nothing wrong with that, however by building up to more scandalous photos you create an exciting air of anticipation. If asking for pictures, you can start off by asking for something less revealing, such as a picture of someone’s waist, back, and thighs. Teasing photos will help prolong the phone sex session, and can allow you to guage your partner’s comfort level on sharing photos Lastly, It’s always a good idea to make sure there is a clean background, or mirror, in the picture.

If you’re interested in continuing your sexting journey, there are toys that you are able to purchase and would be perfect to incorporate the next time you have long distance sex. Companies such as WeVibe, Lovense, and Zalo all have apps you are able to download onto your phone, and connect to the toy through bluetooth, and can control from any distance. Your partner is able to control the speeds, patterns, and duration of your vibrator. Two of the most popular vibrators for long distance sex are the Lush 2 and Max 2. The Lush 2 is a hands free toy, using the highest quality silicone, and a deep rumbling vibration to simultaneously stimulate the g-spot and clitoris. The Max 2 is the most advanced, easy to grip, long distance toy designed for penises. The Max 2 offers a supple interior that will vibrate and contract as you, or your partner, please. These toys can be a great way to provide sexual connection and fulfillment while you are apart from your partner.

Now you’re ready to kiss your partner through the phone, and make Soulja Boy proud! Today in our Sexploration, we have addressed that sexting is not a deviant act, but can be a great tool for communication and improve your sexual experiences with partners. Furthermore, we have offered suggestions on initiating phone sex and sending photos. If you are interested in products that have bluetooth capabilities, please come into the store today or check out our website. Happy Sexting!

Sources:

Chatel, Amanda. “Now the Time to Learn How to Sext”. Glamour. March 2020.

Geller, Pamelia; Stasko, Emily. “Reframing Sexting as a Positive Relationship Behavior”. Drexel University, Department of Psychology.