Feeding Your Senses in the Bedroom

Too often sex is approached as a means to an end. Of course, we all want that mind blowing orgasm, or if we're in a hurry, which we often are, then we’ll even settle for a mediocre finale. Although it's important, when available to us, that we grant ourselves the added pleasure of slowing the sex process down and experience the finer aspects of our sexual experience (with or without a partner(s)). When we do this, we increase our chances of a more satisfying orgasm. The finer aspects of sexual gratification involve all the senses. A full body and mind approach.

If you want a more fulfilling, lasting, and satisfactory orgasm focus less on the orgasm as the final goal. As cliché as it sounds, there's truth and power in enjoying the journey for the sake of the journey, instead of rushing toward some imagined end goal. It's key to create an atmosphere that caters to all of your senses. To do this we can stimulate our sense of smell, taste, hearing, and, of course, touch.

Our olfactory system (sense of smell) is one of the most immediate pathways to near instant influence of our physiological and mental state. Aromatherapy is a powerful avenue that is quite unmatched when it comes to influencing our inner state. Setting up an essential oil diffuser in your room with a favorite sent can really enhance the experience in the bedroom. (Pro tip: if you need some stress release or relaxation use lavender or ylang ylang. If you need some awakening and energizing then try eucalyptus, rosemary, or peppermint.) Feeding your sense of smell can also be done with yummy scents provided in massage creams, massage oils, linen sprays, and body sprays.

Sight is also important. Create a romantic vibe by dimming the lights and tidying up the space you're in. Lighting is everything people! You can even put in some colored bulbs. We know that color can seriously influence the mood. If you want an energetic and fun energy in the room try pink or yellow, turned up in brightness. If you want a deeply sensual atmosphere go for deep red and purple, dimmed just enough to give color and keep it dark. If you want to be extravagant, get a black light bulb with neon or white body paint to glow up the bedroom. Whether with a partner, or alone, consider wearing lingerie, or anything that makes you feel confident and sexy. If you're with a partner, take a few moments to look into each other's eyes. Prolonged eye contact can create a powerful sense of intimacy and deep connectedness.

Tactile stimulation (besides the obvious rubbing of genitals) is another powerful avenue in creating a sensational sexual experience. Massage is always a great way to get the juices flowin’. Give your partner a massage to relax them and loosen any tensions they may have. Doing this will send tingles of warmth down their spine and throughout their body. Sex is always better when starting with a rested, relaxed, and minimally stressed body. Self massage is amazing and entirely underrated. Caress your shoulders, chest, arms, and thighs before you touch yourself below the belt. Feather dusters, Wartenberg wheels, and candle wax are additional ways to play with the sense of touch.

Utilize sound waves. Music is an obvious one. A lot of people have their go-to sex playlist. Personally, 90’s R&B drops me right in the mood for sex and delivers a much more sensual and deeply satisfying experience, alone or with a partner. I know this might sound cheesy, but a good thunderstorm or rain-on-a-tin-roof track can set the stage too. Especially when alone, this fills the silence just enough to allow a fantasy to run wild without the music itself being too obnoxious or distracting.

Taste. Whipped cream, fresh fruit, chocolate syrup, etc. Hit the fridge and incorporate a midnight snack. Running your tongue along a string of chocolate syrup near your partner's erogenous zones delights your taste buds and sends your partner into a hot fury. Flavored lube serves the same purpose and turns a bland blow job into a mouthwatering flavor frenzy.

Now, I'm not naive. I know our lives are busy enough already. “How am I gonna find time for all this nonsense? I've got 15 mins. 1.2.3. and GO!” I hear you. However, this is the precise reason to make the time to care for ourselves. Having sex, with or without a partner, IS self care. It is wellness. If we're going to continue functioning at our best in our busy lives, we need to find balance. Part of this balance can be (amongst things like meditation, yoga, deep breathing, kickboxing, what have you) slowing down to provide yourself with the best possible orgasm. You deserve this. Set the scene. Slow down. Feed your senses. Let go of some of that gravity you're carrying around.

Trust me. Take some of those all too regular quickies and slow them down. Go beyond the act of getting off and treat yourself to a full blown sexual experience. Involve the senses and play with them. Tweak your approach as needed. It's amazing how much lighter and dynamic one can feel when they’ve granted themselves the time for self-care and pleasure that ignites and satisfies on a very deep level.